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Alistair
Ranger
Joined: 27 Mar 2007
Posts: 55
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 Posted: Sun May 13, 2007 12:31 pm Post subject: Power's Night Out |
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this is a dumb little poem I wrote because the power went out.. about two hours ago.. and it's been a real drag. It's super hot. but now it's over.
Power’s Night Out
Power went out last night
We tried to stop him; we begged him not to go,
But NO! Power was always on, at home,
He wanted a night out on the town
So he dressed up in his very best black
He shut off all of the appliances and turned off the lights
He turned off the air conditioning, clocks, and televisions
Then he left, just like that
We were oh so distraught; we wrung our hands in the dark
Finally he came back, at two a.m.,
In the cold of the night, to warm our spirits
We smiled and gave him a warm embrace
Then smacked him upside the head
“Never will you leave again!”
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Tiana Calthye
The Admin with Lime
Joined: 16 Mar 2007
Posts: 785
Location: Canada!
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| Posted: Sun May 13, 2007 6:50 pm Post subject: |
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(snrk) Amusing. >.>
Sorry, I don't have much more to say beyond that. I'm not very good at critiquing poems.
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I will not walk on the keyboard when my human is writing important emiognaioerp ga3qi4 taija3tgv. |
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Duncariel
(dies)
Joined: 18 Mar 2007
Posts: 483
Location: Resisting temptation in a TNT fireworks stand near you...
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| Posted: Tue May 15, 2007 1:14 am Post subject: |
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Ooh, I like the personification... clever....
... and amusing. Dzang that power, anyway. A bit of a satire, as well? Could be, I suppose. People's reliance on something a bit... flighty... eh. Curse AP English and reading into things....
But I like it. It makes me smile.  <---- Like that, but with less twitchyness.
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"He was smiling an innocent, amused smile, the smile of an anarchist sitting in the movies with a bomb in his pocket."
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Cy Skywalker
Elf
Joined: 21 Mar 2007
Posts: 208
Location: NJ, USA
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| Posted: Fri May 18, 2007 12:35 pm Post subject: |
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Very creative! I like the title...and lots of lines. Here "We were oh so distraught" doesn't quite work with the punctuation that's on it...
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